Tim Bolen is a spammy kook.

Tim Bolen launches cartooney against BTFH.NET
BTFH.NET responds by laughing hysterically.

Prior to the following cartooney, I've never heard of Mr Bolen, let alone met or communicated with him. Finding the emailed turd in my postmaster inbox, I did some googling of him (a simple search of his name reveals loads) and realized that I had just received my very first cartooney.

<begin cartooney>

DomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; q=dns; c=nofws;
  s=dk20050327; d=earthlink.net;
  b=P1QDFh5vE9936ciJXVrtORUAN2GFngWit5Cx7YqSRgiYgmkqT+3K8id6VyrPtxBf;
  h=Received:Reply-To:From:To:Subject:Date:MIME-Version:Content-Type:X-Mailer:X-MimeOLE:Thread-Index:Message-ID:X-ELNK-Trace:X-Originating-IP;
Reply-To: <jurimed2@earthlink.net>
From: "Tim  Bolen" <jurimed2@earthlink.net>
To: <abuse@godaddy.com>
Subject: false registration
Date: Tue, 12 Sep 2006 07:12:31 -0700

Abuse:

I am trying to locate the owner of the address btfh.net for legal purposes. I find that the information listed below is false. The street address is not good, the telephone number is disconnected, and there is no valid email address.

The legal actions involve both criminal and civil issues. I believe the owner of this address is hiding to avoid arrest, and summons. I believe this person assumes an identity on the internet called “Some Bastard” which he uses to further his criminal actions.

Can you assist me?

Tim Bolen

Please note: the registrant of the domain name is specified
in the "registrant" field. In most cases, GoDaddy.com, Inc.
is not the registrant of domain names listed in this database.

Registrant:
ryan medhurst
18800 amar road #a5
walnut, California 91789
United States

Registered through: GoDaddy.com, Inc. (http://www.godaddy.com)
Domain Name: BTFH.NET
Created on: 26-Jun-02
Expires on: 26-Jun-08
Last Updated on: 27-Apr-06

Administrative Contact:
medhurst, ryan email-this-address-and-get-blacklisted-use-postmaster-instead@btfh.net
18800 amar road #a5
walnut, California 91789
United States
6265817944 Fax --

Technical Contact:
medhurst, ryan email-this-address-and-get-blacklisted-use-postmaster-instead@btfh.net
18800 amar road #a5
walnut, California 91789
United States
6265817944 Fax --

Domain servers in listed order:
NS1.MYDYNDNS.ORG
NS2.MYDYNDNS.ORG
NS3.MYDYNDNS.ORG
NS4.MYDYNDNS.ORG

<end cartooney>

Lets address this point by point.

"I am trying to locate the owner of the address btfh.net for legal purposes. I find that the information listed below is false. The street address is not good, the telephone number is disconnected, and there is no valid email address."

The snail mail address in the whois info is my former workplace, which I have FULL permission to use as my contact info. The name given is my legal name. The phone # was correct, but had changed recently. Shortly after receiving the cartooney, I did update the phone # in my contact info. Obviously I did do some munging of the email contact address to stop spam bots, but made it human readable so if someone does need to contact me, they can (which is how spam tard forwarded his lart to me).

"The legal actions involve both criminal and civil issues. I believe the owner of this address is hiding to avoid arrest, and summons. I believe this person assumes an identity on the internet called “Some Bastard” which he uses to further his criminal actions."

Legal actions? Criminal and civil? Oh scary words indeed (sarcasm) ! As far as criminal charges go, I have good contacts with local law enforcement, and I am QUITE sure there are no outstanding warrants for me. Due to some of the professional licenses I hold, my finger prints are on record with both the Colorado Bureau of Investigations and the FBI. So far my career as a hard core criminal doesn't look too hot. Regarding civil issues, I haven't been served yet, can't even imagine anything I've done that would attract a law suit, and even if I was /am / will be served, my financial assets are damn near zilch. Suing me is a sure fire way to waste a lot of lawyer time and money.

Hiding to avoid arrest? Besides the above information that pokes larges holes in this wild accusation, my current work place location and phone # can be located in less then 30 seconds with nothing more then a VERY simple google search. A little bit of digging on google would also turn up my current home address and phone # as well. Guess I am not doing a very good job hiding.

I do post on the usenet group NANAE with the handle of "Some Bastard". Furthering my criminal actions? I guess if you call mocking and laughing at dumb ass spammers criminal, I am guilty as charged. Read my posts and judge for yourself.

"Can you assist me?"

Sure I can assist you spam tard. First, use an extremely dull knife, and remove your penis and testicles, then destroy any sperm sample you might have frozen. This prevents your 4th rate DNA from propagating to future generations. Second, insert your carcass into an automobile that you legally own, and accelerate to maximum velocity. If you do not own such a device, a very tall building or bridge will do nicely as a substitute . When maximum velocity is reached, steer (or fall as appropriate) directly into the nearest brick wall. Do not pass go, Do not collect $200. Repeat until urge to spam and cartooney is removed.

Watch for further updates as spam tard spins his wheels trying to bring this dangerous fugitive to justice (snicker).

Updates

09/12/06 Mid-Day:
Site goes live with initial info written above.

09/12/06 Late Afternoon:
Laughter fills the hallways of work as spam tard calls and leaves nasty grams on my boss's voice mail and several co-workers to no effect.

09/12/06 Evening:
Apparently kook boy has been launching piles of cartooneys at several of the NANAE regulars. Not surprisingly everyone is mocking him and generally laughing at his expense.

10/14/06
Apparently the Bolenator has gone on a crusade to rid the world of anti-spam blacklists such as spamhaus and spews. He wildly accuses everyone who disagrees with him as being part of the "spamhaus/spews" conspiracy, even emailing lame legal threats similar to the one I recieved to various network admins around the world. The only result of this has been the NANAE community laughing their asses off at him and suggestions that Bolen stop using his quack medical cures and seek REAL psychiatric help.

11/21/06
The Bolenator apparently got sick of being laughed at by the Bastards @ Btfh.net. We haven't heard from him lately, but some nice people on NANAE dug up this little nugget. About halfway down the article, there's a blurb about the Bolenator getting sued for libel. Sounds right up his alley.

( 01/02/08 update: sorry the LA Times link went dead, stupid libtard rag doesn't have a very good article linking system in place)

12/07/06
Apparently the Bolenator has surfaced, issuing more kooky threats against both me and my employer. He's under the rather insane delusion that I had something to do with him having web hosting problems (apparently he's been punted a few times for spamming, read that link WAAAAY down around #58) and seems to think I am some mastermind at kicking people off the internet.

Appendix:
I found many pages about the Bolenator's quacky antics. Read all about it here, here, here, here, here, here, here.